Six Years

The six year anniversary of my marriage came and went a few weeks ago... Talk about awkward. How do you acknowledge your wedding anniversary when you both know it's going to be your last one? The answer is, You don't. At least, that's how we handled it. All day long on April 30th I just kept thinking, "This is it. The last one. All the hard work, time and tears, and this is how it ends." It's sad to say goodbye to something we've invested so much in, and terrifying to think of having to proceed from this point as a single mother of three small children. However, I go forward with hope! It's times like these that make me remember just how truly blessed I am to have the gospel of Jesus Christ and his Priesthood in my life. We will make it through this and come out even stronger and better for it in the end.

THE BOMB

Another Mother's Day came and went. Just like most of the ones before I didn't get so much as a "Happy Mother's Day" from my husband, much less any flowers or cards. And, just like all the other's, it ended in my tears. His reasons for intentionally ignoring this holiday, (along with my birthday, and even, once or twice, Christmas), don't really matter. Anyone could come up with any excuse to be a prick if they try hard enough. No, what matters is that this cruel behavior has gone on, repeatedly, breaking my heart while also setting a terrible example for the children. Mother's day isn't about a marriage, it's about recognizing and showing appreciation for ALL of the COUNTLESS sacrifices we, as mothers, make every second of every day and night to ensure our babes grow up healthy, strong, confident, humble, kind, gracious, empathetic, loving, gentle, spiritual, modest, virtuous, respectful, trustworthy, and oh-so-much more. For me, Mother's day is even more sacred than my birthday, and to have both be repeatedly ignored with the sheer intent to hurt me has... well, hurt. Deeply. Though, at this point in my 'marriage', if you can even call it that, it has served as a reminder, and, perhaps, even a spring board, to move forward with our decision to divorce. We came to this decision 3 1/2 months ago. We'd discussed the topic countless times over the years, but, for the first time, we can both say that it feels right. This is what we are supposed to be doing, and now is the time to be doing it. Yes, it will come with many challenges, especially for me, a single mother of three children 4 and under, but we'll survive. In fact, we will thrive. Because this is what is required of us, and LIFE GOES ON. Annie will start kindergarten in the fall. She is so very intelligent that I worry kindergarten will bore her. She is only 4 years old and is already reading books. Mind you, this was my intent all along when I started teaching her letters, numbers, shapes, colors, etc., as a newborn. =) The time apart will be good for her and Callie. I plan to move 45 minutes east to Connecticut with the kids and our cat, Katie. Peter will remain nearby in NY with our other feline children. Everyone deserves a chance to be loved... I know what is is to be adored, and won't settle for anything less than that the next time around... for both me and my children.